Growing up wasn’t always easy. My biological parents were absent from my life and left me to be raised by my grandmother and great-grandmother. My mother was on drugs and my dad was living life with his other family. At the age of eight, my grandmother and great grandmother passed away. After their death, my aunt and uncle took custody of me and moved to John’s Island. The move along with the experience of death is what changed my life in a very significant way. I felt rejected by my biological parents, abandoned by my great-grand and grandmother, and as a result of those feelings, I felt unwanted by my new parents, my aunt and uncle.
During my adolescent years I was told that I would never amount to anything and would end up on drugs like my mother. Those words along with the emotional illness I was experiencing made me search for love in all the wrong places. I began having sex at the age of fourteen. By age fifteen I found myself broken, confused and pregnant. “What am I going to do?” is what I would ask myself daily. “How am I going to take care of a baby when I can’t even take care of myself?”.
I remembered it like it was yesterday. It was a cold winter day and I felt so much bitterness and pain. I told myself “Nobody loves me, nobody cares for me”. I was stretched across my bed , crying from fear and hopelessness, I felt a flutter in my stomach. It was my baby moving for the first time and it was in that moment I finally felt loved. I could feel the void of emptiness being filled and I became much attached to my pregnancy.
Unfortunately my parents wanted me to give my baby away and ended up sending me away to the Florence Crittenton School (a resident for unwed teenage mothers). Once again, I felt abandoned and rejected and initially had a strong hate towards the school and everyone who was there. I would rebel against the counselors and would cause confusion amongst the girls. But one day one of the counselors pulled me to the side and told me that I had great potential and if I would just let the program work in my favor, then I will go far. Those words alone are what sparked a change in my attitude and outlook on life. After hearing someone say they could see something in me that I could not, made me realize just how important I was to my unborn son and how important I could be to others around me.
I began applying the counseling I was receiving so that I could be healed emotionally and mentally. Ultimately I wanted to be the best mother I could be and was determined I was not going to quit nor end up in the system. I gave birth to my son at age sixteen, continued my education and even graduated early with honors. In my early adult years I came to know the Lord and became involved in ministry. During this time I learned how to reverse the word curses that were spoken over my life by applying the word of God and the Blood of Jesus. After that, I became a force to be reckoned with. I had an unstoppable drive and was determined to be great in everything I do.
Today, nearly twenty years later, I am a proud mother of my son; Antonio Demetrius Forrest Jr., pursuing a degree in psychology, with a successful career and a thriving business in writing and productions. Being a single mother was never easy and I faced many challenges over the years, but I did not let those words that were spoken over me make me become another statistic. You see, success is a choice and you can either choose to let the cards life dealt dictate your life, or you can take control and be who you were created to be. Coming to understand your greatness and potential is the best enlightenment you will ever receive. My experience of becoming a mother at a young age became the catalyst to my success. I’m not condoning teen pregnancy but I hope to encourage someone by letting them know that having a baby at a young age is not a death sentence. What the enemy meant for bad, God will turn for your good. Although having a baby at a young age is not easy and a hard road to travel, if traveled correctly it can become a life changing pedestal for greatness and potential to be released in your life. Keep moving, keep fighting, and keep living because it is your destiny to reverse the curse and birth something new!
—–SECRETS—–
There are some things in our past
That are hidden
Some things that are not always revealed
Secrets that are so shameful
Never to be spoken of
Secrets we rather keep concealed
——————
Insert from the book, “Broken by my Money” written by Rukaiyah Williams
“My name is Rukaiyah Williams, and I remember when I arrived at Florence Crittenton at the age of 16. It was on a cold winter day back in 1995. My life was already filled with so many secrets, resentment, bitterness and anger. I hated my life and my very own existence. Back then my parents were ministers in the Church, so my pregnancy was a dishonor and brought shame against my family. Consequently, I was expected to give my baby up for adoption, but that is not what I wanted to do. I loved my unborn baby with everything that was within me. At that time he was the only person I felt who genuinely loved me for me, and I was determined I was not going to let anyone just take him away. In the beginning I did not know who I could trust, so initially I was a difficult resident. I would pick fights with some of the girls, talk back to the staff, and just made things difficult in general. Thankfully the staff did not give up on me. My social worker, Ms. Hodo was able to empathize and see pass my failures and mistakes. She and other staff members would always tell me that I had great potential in spite of and challenge me to do better. Slowly I allowed the walls I had built up to come down. Before I knew it, I began applying myself and taking advantage of all the benefits the resident home offered such as education, group & individual counseling, life applications, goal settings, and more. I wanted to become a better person, and be the best mother to my baby, so I began to strive for excellence in my studies, and in the home. In my last trimester, I became the Lamaze coach for the younger class, and things appeared to finally be on the right track.
On June 6, 1995, I delivered a beautiful baby boy who was diagnosed with Meconium Aspiration Syndrome (MAS). His condition was so fatal, hours later he had to be placed on the Ecmo machine. The doctors were frantic and were not sure if my baby was going to live. I was faced with the fear of losing my baby all over again. Every pain, hurt and rejection I had ever experienced up to that point wanted to erupt, but the counseling I received at Florence Crittenton taught me how to cope. My son’s illness brought my family and I closer and ultimately began the healing process. Antonio Demetrius Forrest, Jr was the 86th survivor on the Ecmo machine. Today he is healthy, active in sports, and an inspired musician.
I am forever grateful for my experience at the Florence Crittenton Home of SC. What I thought was meant for shame and disgrace, actually was for my good and blessed me beyond measures. Being a resident at Florence Crittenton gave me the tools I needed to be the best mother to my son and transformed me into the successful person I am today.”
Submitted by Encounter, The Magazine
